Some Days, JOY Is Hard To Find…

It’s been a rough few weeks, for a litany of reasons. None the least is that my husband has been gone for almost six weeks… But this past week – This was a tough week. We got a new puppy and we have not slept a whole lot since last Sunday, May 1st.  Being tired is not a great thing for mother or son… so our week has been difficult! Wednesday I ate a sandwich for lunch and apparently the meat was bad (you know how you think “this doesn’t taste right” but you doubt yourself? – um yeah).  Within hours, I was sweating and thought I was going to pass out, the room spinning….. because I had food poisoning. And a major panic attack, because what if I die when Marque was out of town and my son was here alone (yes, I was that tired and irrational)? The struggle is real! Sigh. Poor Christopher.

Yesterday, we celebrated my son getting his gold-belt by going to our favorite grocery store, that we recently found out is closing, but they had already shut down their smoothie department. Sigh… no more fruit smoothies, just like that. I can’t tell you how disappointing that was…

and then there was today….

You know how sometimes on a TV show or movie, they show a scene of TOTAL destruction and desolation… and then words to the effect of “6 hours earlier” or “2 years earlier” flash on the screen…

Keep reading…

I had such a great morning. The puppy slept for five hours… and though I woke up a few times in anticipation (remember having a baby?), I slept ok. Christopher got up about 7-ish and I had coffee and did a few things around the house, and then got dressed for our Altar Society Luncheon. I put on a dress/jacket and pearls…. curled my hair, etc. It was fun. We went to the local Country Club and ate/talked/had our meeting… Monsignor was there, and so many great women. What a blessing. Sigh. I did something for MEEEEE… and then I came home.

I walked into my house about 1:45pm this afternoon to a rancid smell. I called to my son, “Christopher, what is that smell?” He says, “sorry mom, I tooted!” I said, son, this is way more than that… He was upstairs with the baby puppy and the older dog (9 years) was downstairs… and as I walk up the hall, I look to the left – two piles in the office…. and then I walk tot he kitchen and look left, easily 8 pile/splats on the living room floor… and there is blood…and I am so confused…. and it stinks!  Yep, it was a regular poop-vomit-nado (think tornado)…

We put our older dog outside (who is a long-shaggy haired dog) because she was covered in said above items…

What happened next was a blur, Christopher kenneled the puppy, who began squailling (no, not squeal..more like squealing and wailing combined… I called my husband… he instructed me on how to use the carpet machine as I was spraying/sanitizing the floor.  I cleaned the floor in both rooms, cleaned the carpet machine… and then, I had to shear the dog… only that didn’t go so well – Sigh.

I literally smelled like poop. And was shearing her, and getting mats out, and she moved… then I tried to make it all even. Sigh. To say she looks like she has mange is putting it lightly. I can’t even talk about it. She is a labradoodle… and it’s BAD ya’ll! BAD! My husband faced-timed me in the middle of it, and was appalled at how she looked (it’s bad, but it grows back)… and I said, dear,  I’m sitting on the back porch, in a church dress and pearls, covered in dog hair and poop, trying not to cry…  I’m doing the best I can. HAHAHA Isn’t that a pretty thought? There is literally hair all over my back yard. Sigh.

Afterwards, I bathed the dog, the boy and I showered, he put together the big dog crate… Currently the towels are drying, we’ve had coffee (him decaf, of course) and poor Jenna is in the crate staring at us. We’ve got dog food made of chicken and rice…

As I sat there surveying the week I’ve had… and the things that have gone on, I thought – My God My God, why hast though forsaken me!  Truly I was there… DRAMATIC!!!  HA! … and you know what – it didn’t take long to figure out that the evil one is trying to steal my joy… TRULY!

Some of you may remember that my word of the year is JOY! I tell you being a Christian is joyful. Isaiah 29:19 says The lowly will ever find joy in the Lord, and the poor rejoice in the Holy One of Israel.   When I searched the word JOY on BibleGateway.com, there are 237 references in the Bible.

This evening, things are better. We are going to have Panda Express for dinner and be happy that we have so many blessings. But it’s when I am in the thick of things I don’t remember to Praise God in all things! Sigh. That part of humanity is so hard.

When your husband is working in Hawaii for a few weeks (after being in Puerto Rico for a couple weeks) and knowing the kind of day you are having, sends you a text to lament his Par 6 on a Par 4 hole (golf)…. and you may or may not think of physically hurting him… instead of thinking, “he works hard, he deserves to have fun”… because you are human, don’t beat yourself up.  If your animals leave you a huge mess to clean up, pray and praise God you aren’t in a fire (thinking of Canada and 90,000 displaced people)… Turn to God’s word.

Did I swear? Freak out? Feel sorry for myself? Think bad thoughts? YES! Yes I did. Am I proud of it, NO. Never. But it finally brought be to a place where I am now focused a little more on Our Lord. You know?  I forgot to praise Him.

Let me leave you with this:

Psalm 46

God’s Defense of His City and People.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NRSVCE-16686a" data-link="[a]” style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;”>[a] help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,
    though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;
3 though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble with its tumult.Selah

4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of the city;<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NRSVCE-16690b" data-link="[b]” style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;”>[b] it shall not be moved;
    God will help it when the morning dawns.
6 The nations are in an uproar, the kingdoms totter;
    he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our refuge.<span class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NRSVCE-16692c" data-link="[c]” style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;”>[c]Selah

⁸ Come, behold the works of the Lord;
    see what desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
    he breaks the bow, and shatters the spear;
    he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ “Be still, and know that I am God!
    I am exalted among the nations,
    I am exalted in the earth.”
¹¹ The Lord of hosts is with us;
    the God of Jacob is our refuge.<sup class="footnote" data-fn="#fen-NRSVCE-16696d" data-link="[d]” style=”box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 0.625em; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;”>[d]Selah

Keep your JOY and LIGHT in your heart. We are the people of LIGHT! God is with us, always… even in a crappy week.  We must never forget to Give Thanks in ALL Circumstances. Sigh. I share my week with you because I understand that we also have to keep it real. They can’t all be good weeks, and that’s ok.

So what did you learn? Do not let life steal your joy… and God is always with us – take refuge in HIM! Don’t forget to praise HIM!

Sigh… ok, meet our new baby!

Duchess Bella Mae

p.s. Please pray for our Jenna… you know that whatever is wrong with her stomach will be ok…. and that her hair will grow back. Sigh.

Love and hugs you sweet ladies.
Em