Sacrament of Reconciliation ~ Much Needed

March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 LadyEm63Leave a comment

Comfort Zone – Post 2

Dear Ones,

I’m making my way back to full-union with the Church. Sigh. It’s a process y’all. And I’m trying to be honest about it, so that others know it is ok and you can always come home.

After the Pandemic, we didn’t have a set Priest here in our MIL Parish. Lack of Confession (Reconciliation) and such created the perfect storm of “why bother?” And “Let’s just stay away.” The new Priest has been here for a year or so – maybe 18 months. I can’t remember. And I sent him an email, literally titled, “Worst Catholic Ever?” I’ll spare you the text, but suffice to say, I set up Confession for my husband and I. Neither of us had been for at least 18 months. In our defense, it’s NOT readily available. And the Parish here has not been well-manned. But – we could have arranged it, so I shall step off that broken record.

We worked to get on his calendar, and it ends up, we confessed our sins on Fat Tuesday. What a great way to kick off the Lenten season. On a related note, we have a Parishioner who has a very sick child, and they will make their way back to the states soon. In the meantime, I have taken over their CCD Class. You see, during confession (here in Italy, a lot of times you are looking at the Priest. It takes some getting used to.), the Priest and I also spoke about my not feeling like I belonged here at this Parish. So many things happened within the Command Chaplaincy, and rude parishioners… that many of us backed off. It’s a strange thing to come from being so active and fairly respected in your home Diocese, to being treated very poorly and disrespected by folks. I’m not the only one this happened to, and it’s in the past… but you now have a little background for when I say “feeling like I didn’t belong”. I mean it was to the point, I was doubting my faith.

So back to Father. He said, “we may need you to teach a CCD Class”. HA – how could I say no! I wouldn’t have anyway… it’s just funny. He’s done so much good for this little Military Parish. Including recruiting a teacher for CCD. I had taken this year off as I was truly unsure if I was going to be able to manage my son being so far away (5018 miles, but who’s counting?!). And my husband and I just thought we needed a break this year. God knew what I needed, and I am excited about the next few months.

I got a little head’s up about extra confession coming up this coming weekend, and I decided that after my class and I met, and chatted through introductions, we’d pick up one of my favorite children’s confession booklet and talk about Examination of Conscience as it pertains to the Ten Commandments. It’s by TAN Books, and it’s called My Confession Book (click on it and it will take you there). First published in 1958! Old school. The kids really enjoyed it. And Father stopped by to talk to them about confession and invite them to partake this weekend. YAY

During our discussion in class, one of the children said when he went to confession it was like a huge weight was lifted and he was floating. Y’all – it’s so true. My head was so chaotic as our life got crazy here in Italy… and being away from Sacraments during the Pandemic and after – it really took its toll. We are already feeling so much better about things here.

It’s now the 3rd week of Lent and we are enjoying being involved and going to Mass/Being in full union again. The first weekend of Lent I was in Assisi with a group of Catholic Women (Yes, I do owe you a post or ten). We have been participating in the meatless Pot Lucks on Friday evenings (I will share my recipes used soon). We will hopefully go to Stations of the Cross this weekend. Sunday I am bowling with children from a local Orphanage here in the Naples Area. I love kiddos, so that will be fun.

Because of anxiety and depression, I had honestly let a lot of things go… and I’m also purposing to be a better and more joyful home-maker, and make the house more pleasant for my husband too. It’s not like I was horrible to him, but I don’t have a full-time job here, and I could do more… so I am. Today, I am baking corn bread, and organizing a few things at home. We also have a guest bed here, and the tech is coming to put it together this evening and then we will officially have a guest room – YAY.

Signing off for today. Tomorrow, I should have a Gospel Reflection going live. I will share it then.

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
LadyEm

Anxiety and Fear · Catholic Faith · Comfort Zone · Emily (Me) · Italy · LadyEm · Lent · Mental Health · Sacraments · Self Improvement

Underestimating God ~ Trust is a Process

March 6, 2023 LadyEm632 Comments

Comfort Zone – Post 1

Happy March 6th y’all. Happy Second Monday in Lent.

On February 16th, I posted the below on my FB Wall. Over the past several years the tragedy of my life – as a child, as a young woman, and even the past decade has weighed on me to the point it really broke me in many ways. And I am thankful.

In the broken, I have been able to handle the pieces of tragedy in a way more positive way. I prayed before I wrote this post because in so many ways, it’s like a broken record. Holding myself accountable and taking responsibility for my lack of focus – on God, on my health, on so many things. And Lent is my saving Grace this year. Learning to fully rely on and trust God – not in a way that I “thought” I was… but truly realizing me that I can not say “Yes God, I trust you. But I’m gonna do what I want!” Trust is hard for me. Anyway…. Read these two pictures, and I will give an update at the end!

The book this passage is from is the Magnificat. I placed the link on the word. If anything happens to the link, go to http://www.magnificat.net and you will find it (and about a zillion other books you may “need”).

Just like the Israelites, mentioned above, I don’t trust God enough to believe HE will do what HE says. So Lent, for me, is a succession of stepping out of my comfort zone moments… in which I let God, my Father, guide me. Imagine that?!

Update: When I spoke to the doc, he said he wanted me to up my BP Meds (because I have a hereditary high BP). And he also recommended that I wean myself off the Anxiety/Depression meds slowly. I went to 1/4 of the dose and after a week realized half the dose is my number for now. Sadly – due to all I’ve walked through, I may have to be on meds long-term. Doc says that’s ok. It’s nothing I am doing wrong. Sigh. I am thankful for friends and family, and for praying people who have bolstered me throughout this period.

I love my medical team here in Italy. Truly they care. They have been instrumental in my learning to care for myself. I’m so thankful. And now that I am headed back to a better relationship with the Catholic Church and God (oh yes, I was flailing/failing both)… things are really looking up.

I will share with you, that a few weeks before Lent started, I reached out to our new Priest about confession and discussion. I hadn’t been to confession in about 18 months or so – not a stellar show of faith. I’d really given up in many ways. Sigh. But when I was speaking to my son about what he needed to do to get back to faith… I clearly heard THE FATHER speaking to me, through me. Sigh.

Now, I am off to do my Italian homework, and make a few cards. I will share the cards on the blog. Soon, I will share about a woman’s retreat I went on to Assisi. Talk about stepping out of my comfort zone. LOL You’ll see. Until Then…

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
LadyEm

Catholic Faith · Emily (Me) · God's Plan · Health · LadyEm · Self Improvement

Season of Me? Building a Relationship With God…

August 5, 2021 LadyEm632 Comments

Dear Ones,

It has nearly been four months since I’ve blogged…

Currently, I am participating in Mary Lenaburg’s 30 Day Encouragement Challenge “You Can Do Hard Things”. And I write this to her in the comment of her Day 4 video… “I’m walking out of a season where I simply was tired of being bold/courageous. Tired of putting a smile on my face and pretending all was well. Just exhausted with the hard things in life. This is truly a time of refocus for me and I really appreciate that you have put this together. Thank you again Mary!”

The funny thing is, in my mind I had been dealing very well with everything life tossed me. And, as a Catholic, I had been performing well. Do you say performing? Yes after much thought, even though the love for God is there I was somewhat going through the motions. I told myself I had to do certain things in order to be a good Catholic. But I was not taking care of myself.

I gave up my career many years ago to care for our youngest child who is autistic and anxiety ridden. And I even began to speak words of anger to him and my husband as well… As I became increasingly resentful that all of my life goals and dreams seemed to be disappearing. Embarrassingly, The evil one was starting to creep into my mind and tell me lies.

No matter what I did, I could not shake the overwhelming feeling that I was never gonna be good enough for God. And I think somewhere along the way I stopped believing that He cared. Even as I thought children that God was love… I did not believe that He loved me. Because I have been through so much I allowed the insecurities of my past to convince me that I was not a good mom or wife or even a good person…

In the sessions that we have with Ms. Mary, she asks us basically to determine the HARD thing we need to overcome. Mine is learning to love myself; To Deem myself worthy, And to know deeply the love of God again. In order to do this I have to allow Him to love me and build my relationship with Him. In order to be a better mother and wife and friend… I need to relearn how to love myself. It’s weird to say out loud it almost 58 years old that I will battle the demons of my past and my present… But I intend to do so with the full armor of God.

If I’m not here, lol it’s not because I don’t have a lot to say or things that I want to write about. I just need to make sure that I’m writing in the correct spirit. I don’t want to be a negative person. The anxieties and stresses of life have caused me to not be well physically and mentally. And I need to concentrate on regrouping for me and my family.

I want my legacy to be one of ministry, not misery. I want to impart the right wisdom from growth. I need to listen for God’s plan in my life. And I’m excited to see what He needs me to do for Him.

I don’t say these things to worry you. Honestly I say these things to encourage you because I know that I’m not the only one who is walked through childhood abuse, incest, self degrading behaviors, loss of children, and this overwhelming need for life to look perfect for others… P.S. – it’s not. Lol

I’ll be fine. There is much good in life. And I will be back at least weekly. I have some work to do in order to get my mind right…and I will be praying for you.

Thanks for understanding.

Love & Hugs,
LadyEm