What is Friendship ~

May 16, 2023May 16, 2023 LadyEm632 Comments

… from my perspective…

I saw the below comment today… and after all the self-reflection I’ve done over the past several years… for some reason, this grated me. It was a Facebook status…. and at my age, I go back to a few thoughts with this…

1) I don’t know what this person is walking through, but I know that being taken advantage of stinks…
2) Did this person try to talk to whomever it was about how they were feeling, and try to work it out?
3) If you are kind to your friends, do you keep score? Is that what this is? hmmm…

More thoughts after the pic…

Last year we sent our son to college. I won’t go into detail on my blog, but we were accused of not being appreciative of the family hosting our son in Texas… He lived at the dorms but they stepped in for holidays and breaks, and made sure all was well. When I read some things that were said… I was so hurt by it, I couldn’t speak to the folks because I was just stunned. My point – I think some people need all the accolades and attention, and for everyone to do everything their way…. And if they don’t get it – they feel taken advantage of. And that’s NOT ok.

When I am accused of something, I assess and reassess. For sure, I help strangers, and I know I would do more for folks I love… And I have to say – in no way were these folks taken advantage of. Someone just didn’t get their way in a matter, and it didn’t go the way they wanted it… and now, friendships are lost.

Everyone walks through life thinking that others appreciate their actions or advice. We all want to believe that people mean what they say. No one expects a friend to offer kindness, and then tell you what you owe them or act like you are not thankful enough. That’s NOT kind. Period.

But – the good news is… and Dear Readers, there is always good news… It really made me reflect on friendship… and what it means to be a good friend. And why some friends come then go… why some are lifelong friends. And it occurred to me, that not everyone knows how to make friends… But I feel like I can help.

In order to make good friends, you have to be a good friend. At my age (seriously said it), you can tell who is worthy of your friendship. There is a difference between being friendly/kind and being FRIENDS. Moving from Texas to Italy, trying to navigate the MIL Spouse life after Marque had been retired nearly 19 years has been interesting.

In order to be a good friend – you must do the below and MORE:

For me: I prefer Catholic (Christian)/Conservative friends.
- But believe me when I tell you I have friends from every walk of life. It’s challenging and teaches respect to befriend folks who believe differently.
Be there/show up and listen more than you talk.
Be kind (and yes, honest advise is kind).
Be ready to work.
- As you are getting to know someone be patient and understanding.
Be honest and loyal.
- This is not hard. The best kinds of people are honest and loyal.
Do for others what you want done for you.
- Do they teach the Golden Rule anymore? You do know it’s NOT all about you, right?
Pray for those who hurt you.
- This is so important. My mother was a violent alcoholic. The things she did and said… unspeakable. But I forgave and prayed for her. I still do. People I poured my heart into that later rejected me… I pray for them when I think of them. And I really purpose to remember the good.
Take responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
- When the day is chaotic, sometimes you don’t mean to say or so the wrong thing, but you do. People who know and love you will accept a heartfelt apology… ok – maybe a glass of wine/coffee/spritz… whatever.
Don’t judge others unfairly.
- Did you know that some people are perpetually late, have a messy house, yell at their children, and make all kinds of mistakes? And these people – are still great friends.
Be Kind Anyway.
Love your enemies.
- Hard to do. But – through Prayer and Forgiveness – yes, even if you don’t continue your friendship, you still love them. Hurt feelings and severed relationships can also be repaired – IF you behave the right way (see below).
Lead with Love. Jesus taught us to lead with love. And y’all, He didn’t say Love only those you want to… be kind to only those you want to… He lead by an example we are expected to follow as Christians. We are to Love our Neighbors As Ourselves… really – more than ourselves.
Did I mention – BE KIND!

I have NOT always made the best choices in my life with friends and many other things, if I am being honest… And I have learned so much about myself over the years… One thing I know for sure is that the friends who encourage you in virtue and who you have faith in common with are the best friends ever. I have friends who aren’t Christians, and there are some things we can’t discuss. I cherish them, but it can be hard from time to time.

Friends do what they say they will do. They are reliable and they pick up the phone/pick up a child/send money/food, etc. when they can. And they expect NOTHING in return. Honest ~ Faith-filled ~ Loyal ~ Kind ~ Those people are YOUR people. Stick with them. But turn your back on no one… because others need to see your example.

Years ago in a Bible study, the leader was telling us to make sure our home isn’t spotless when folks come over for a casual Bible Study or cup of coffee – especially if they have small children. My OCD mind was racing y’all. I instantly judged this person… but then I listened to what she said. There are people who are in the thick of raising littles and their house won’t be spotless for decades… (you know what I mean)… I never realized that my idiotic perfection with that kind of thing made others uncomfortable. People just need other good people in their lives, they don’t need for your home to be a museum-quality clean.

True friends accept us for WHO we are and all of our flaws. Trust me. I’d have no friends if they didn’t. I’m blessed to have friends I’ve known 57 years or more… our parents and grandparents were friends, and besties I’ve known since HighSchool/College… you know? These people are treasures… and I know if there was a crisis, they would absolutely step up – because THAT IS WHAT WE DO!

People have said to me for years, “Why do you do volunteer?” or “Why do you help others that don’t seem to care for you?” But y’all, it’s not about me. It’s me, trying to do God’s work – as an imperfect human. I don’t pretend to do it all correctly.

To the person who wrote the statement at the top of this post, I say this… whether someone is taking advantage of you or not – you should always do the right thing. It’s none of my business what someone does with my advice, help or anything else. If I am doing the right thing… If I follow what God puts on my heart, I don’t have to get bogged down in other people’s issues… It then goes back to “Pray for them! Love them Anyway!”

Please know that everyone who comes into your life leaves an impression or teaches a lesson. Don’t be sad or beat yourself up. Learn and move on. God has bigger things for you – I promise you that.

And can I tell you one last thing – our youngest has always been a helper. Helped a lady change her tires the other day; paid for a man’s small purchase of water and coffee because the man’s card didn’t work…. and I was so proud. Proud of him. Proud of our example as parents… giving myself a good old pat on the back. But then, God said to me “he’s 19 and he is NOT of this world. He’s MY son.”

I deserved that reality… I can not take the credit y’all. It’s all God! And with that – I hope you learned a little today. I’d love to hear about what you think makes a good friend. Please leave a comment… and remember ~

Imperfect… but so kind. Talk soon.

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
LadyEm

Catholic · CCDTeacher · HomeMaker · Catholic Faith · #LadyEmCrafts · Card Making · PaperCrafter · StampinUp · SweeNSassy · Sacraments

Cards & Cupcakes…

May 10, 2023 LadyEm63Leave a comment

Dear Ones,

Happy Wednesday. This past weekend we celebrated First Holy Communion at our Parish on base. And I reached out to the CCRE to see how I could help. We agreed that I would make cards for the children and cupcakes for the reception afterwards.

I am so blessed to have so many crafty tools… and per my agreement with my hubby I am using them. Here are the cards:

Card Recipe:
TOOLS: StampinUp Stampin Cut & Emboss Machine.
Cross Die (part of a set from Nestabilities).
INKS: Soft Sky and Pool Party blue Inks from StampinUp
Spectrum Noir Sparkle Pens.
For the splatters I used the ink from two blues spectrum pens, mixed with a little water, and splatted with the fan brush. I splatted the ink over sponged on soft sky & pool party blues.
STAMPS: The image and sentiments are from Doves of Peace, from SweetnSassy Stamps.
PAPER: Both from my PaperTreyInk and StampinUp Stashes.
Colors are Ivory, and various grays and light blues.

I love the way they turned out and I hope the families did too.

Now, for the cupcakes… I am a baker, and I have to say – the cupcakes were fantastic. A great recipe from the late 1970’s… just can’t be beat. But the icing… AACK. For some reason it was runnier than it should have been. I tried so many baking tricks… and the icing tasted good. But I wasn’t happy.

I have to tell you guys… God had my back. Somehow between that and the fact that my hand-mixer broke mid-beating the icing together… God helped me out and things went well. Thankful the CCRE is calm and knows I am working on my perfectionist issues that can make me awkward… and she laid it all out. It looked great.

It feels good to be getting involved again. I’m hopeful.

Anywhoooo it’s just a quick post for today. I have so many things to talk about… but I’m overthinking how to say them. HA! I’m not kidding. I want my blog to be loving and kind… and I am trying to balance it with real issues I want to talk about. Praying about it. But – please stay tuned.

As always, wishing you lovely readers…

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
LadyEm

Catholic Faith · Davis Family · Easter · Girlfriends · Italy · Lent

Ahhhh Lent, Easter & Crafting

April 14, 2023April 14, 2023 LadyEm63Leave a comment

Dear Sweet Readers…
I hope your Lent was awesome. I’m not going to say I did everything I wanted to do… read everything I wanted to… but I will say this – I feel like penances naturally showed themselves. I prayed and prayed this Lent. For me, it was good. I’m not beating myself up about what I didn’t do…but what I did.

Retreat: I went on a Catholic Women’s Retreat to ASSISI. I will tell you about it in a separate post because it’s really a comfort zone thing.

Visitors: During Lent, my friends since 1986 came to visit. Wendy (like me later this year) turned 60 in March. We had an amazing few days and laughed so hard. We walked and visited various historical places. We stayed in a beautiful place in Vietri Sul Mare… and we went to local grocers and played with our food. LOL There was a stripper pole involved… because it was in a hotel room rented… but it was just silliness… LOL I can not tell you how good for my soul their visit was. Finally got to meet Wendy’s girls and we faced time Aunt Fran & Uncle Phil.

Here are a few pics:

Easter: These firsts without Christopher here are not easy. He spent time in Texas with our friends Kelly & Roger and Kelly’s whole family who have known him since he was two. Sigh. Marque and I cooked for a few of the Meatless Friday PotLucks at Church, we went to Mass and just kind of did our thing. I have to say this new Priest here has done amazing things with the Mass. It’s so much more reverent. Thanks be to GOD!

After the Easter Vigil Marque and I went for Sushi. And Easter Sunday we hosted neighbors (from our first house here). We did not take one pic on Sunday – but here are some from Sushi (which we tortured our son with):

Lastly we did a bunch of gardening as we start our improvements to our little apartment to make it feel more like a home – will upload pics to a different post. And I started crafting again… I’m even stepping out of my comfort zone to get a card group started with local MIL Spouses.

Stay tuned for more posts soon. I’m trying to decide a rhythm for my blog… a good balance of all the topics I would like to speak on, crafting, Catholic Historical places we’ve visited, etc. Pray for me as I do you.

Continued Love, Hugs & Blessings this Easter Season,
LadyEm

Anxiety and Fear · Catholic · Catholic Faith · CCDTeacher · Comfort Zone · LadyEm · Lent · Mental Health · Sacraments · Self Improvement

Sacrament of Reconciliation ~ Much Needed

March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 LadyEm63Leave a comment

Comfort Zone – Post 2

Dear Ones,

I’m making my way back to full-union with the Church. Sigh. It’s a process y’all. And I’m trying to be honest about it, so that others know it is ok and you can always come home.

After the Pandemic, we didn’t have a set Priest here in our MIL Parish. Lack of Confession (Reconciliation) and such created the perfect storm of “why bother?” And “Let’s just stay away.” The new Priest has been here for a year or so – maybe 18 months. I can’t remember. And I sent him an email, literally titled, “Worst Catholic Ever?” I’ll spare you the text, but suffice to say, I set up Confession for my husband and I. Neither of us had been for at least 18 months. In our defense, it’s NOT readily available. And the Parish here has not been well-manned. But – we could have arranged it, so I shall step off that broken record.

We worked to get on his calendar, and it ends up, we confessed our sins on Fat Tuesday. What a great way to kick off the Lenten season. On a related note, we have a Parishioner who has a very sick child, and they will make their way back to the states soon. In the meantime, I have taken over their CCD Class. You see, during confession (here in Italy, a lot of times you are looking at the Priest. It takes some getting used to.), the Priest and I also spoke about my not feeling like I belonged here at this Parish. So many things happened within the Command Chaplaincy, and rude parishioners… that many of us backed off. It’s a strange thing to come from being so active and fairly respected in your home Diocese, to being treated very poorly and disrespected by folks. I’m not the only one this happened to, and it’s in the past… but you now have a little background for when I say “feeling like I didn’t belong”. I mean it was to the point, I was doubting my faith.

So back to Father. He said, “we may need you to teach a CCD Class”. HA – how could I say no! I wouldn’t have anyway… it’s just funny. He’s done so much good for this little Military Parish. Including recruiting a teacher for CCD. I had taken this year off as I was truly unsure if I was going to be able to manage my son being so far away (5018 miles, but who’s counting?!). And my husband and I just thought we needed a break this year. God knew what I needed, and I am excited about the next few months.

I got a little head’s up about extra confession coming up this coming weekend, and I decided that after my class and I met, and chatted through introductions, we’d pick up one of my favorite children’s confession booklet and talk about Examination of Conscience as it pertains to the Ten Commandments. It’s by TAN Books, and it’s called My Confession Book (click on it and it will take you there). First published in 1958! Old school. The kids really enjoyed it. And Father stopped by to talk to them about confession and invite them to partake this weekend. YAY

During our discussion in class, one of the children said when he went to confession it was like a huge weight was lifted and he was floating. Y’all – it’s so true. My head was so chaotic as our life got crazy here in Italy… and being away from Sacraments during the Pandemic and after – it really took its toll. We are already feeling so much better about things here.

It’s now the 3rd week of Lent and we are enjoying being involved and going to Mass/Being in full union again. The first weekend of Lent I was in Assisi with a group of Catholic Women (Yes, I do owe you a post or ten). We have been participating in the meatless Pot Lucks on Friday evenings (I will share my recipes used soon). We will hopefully go to Stations of the Cross this weekend. Sunday I am bowling with children from a local Orphanage here in the Naples Area. I love kiddos, so that will be fun.

Because of anxiety and depression, I had honestly let a lot of things go… and I’m also purposing to be a better and more joyful home-maker, and make the house more pleasant for my husband too. It’s not like I was horrible to him, but I don’t have a full-time job here, and I could do more… so I am. Today, I am baking corn bread, and organizing a few things at home. We also have a guest bed here, and the tech is coming to put it together this evening and then we will officially have a guest room – YAY.

Signing off for today. Tomorrow, I should have a Gospel Reflection going live. I will share it then.

Love, Hugs & Blessings,
LadyEm

Counting Blessings · Davis Family · Emily (Me) · EmptyNest · Italy · Marriage · Parenting

Becoming Empty Nesters

July 25, 2022 LadyEm63Leave a comment

Please note, I’ve updated the name but not the URL for my blog. In a world full of Catholic Bloggers, I just want to be me. I’m unapologetically Christian/Conservative, but I’m a lot of other things. I’m not the great writer others are…. and I am just going to journal and play here. I hope you like the new lightness of the blog (ok, not always light). LOL

August 3rd, we will have been in Italy for four years. I can’t believe how fast and how slow it’s gone. You know what I mean?

On July 6th, our youngest left for Texas to go to Engineering School. He got into so many schools, it was hard for him to decide where to go. We landed at a small school in Texas. I say WE because we had tons of family conversations about it. And although pop culture tells parents they have no say, I beg to differ.

You see that young man… he’s going places. And his daddy, friends, a few teachers, coaches, family and I all worked as a village to make sure of it. He did the majority of the work, but I won’t be dismissed.By the grace of God, he is continuing to stay focused and spread his wings. We could NOT be prouder.

My cousin Laurie and her hubby and our family friends Andi & Jay are standing in for us in Texas. We also have my bestie Kelly and approximately a zillion family/friends (ok – I’m exaggerating). We couldn’t be more thankful and blessed with their influences in his life and their love for all of us – I mean – it’s not an easy task I’m sure. We’d all do it for others too… but it’s amazing and scary in some ways. Sigh.

So anyway, today is the 20th day we are living alone. It’s weird currently. There is so much to do. Let me catch you up…

MAJOR TASKS/LIFE CHANGES:
- Bud graduated
- Sorting Through 19 years of stuff.
  - The big toss
  - Shipped the rest
- Bud left for Texas.
  - Orientation – Andi took him
  - ROTC Camp – we will drop him off
  - Buying lists of things – Andi & I
  - Driver’s License – Andi & Fam are helping him
  - Gym – they take him daily
- Tarleton Conversations and emails…
  - I will say this. I literally sent the Prez/VP of the college an email after how great the entire Admissions/Advisor/ROTC team treated us. They answered a billion questions and called us, emailed us – and yes, even heard back from the VP. Can not say enough.
- Planning our Trip to Texas
  - Getting Bud to FW
  - Graduation Party – Thanks Laurie & Mario
  - Visiting Friends & Family
  - Visiting Lake House – and fishing trip – Thanks Mario & Laurie
  - Finding dog sitter – Check! Thanks Rachel.
- Finding a New Place To Live
  - We did it. We found a new Realtor. We told them exactly what we wanted, and how much we wanted to pay. We looked at half a dozen places and found one that we are super excited about.
  - We are moving to a town called Teverola. Many Americans live there, but it’s also very Italian. And we are happy. It’s a one-story, bottom floor apartment. 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, fireplace, pizza oven, nice porches, living area and kitchen are open. And plenty of storage. It’s nearer to the Support Site and we are going to start going to the gym there. Very excited about that.
  - But mostly – it’s a small Italian town with little shops and people say they walk everywhere, etc.
- Marque’s Job
  - We are now hoping our contract is renewed.
  - The word is, no matter who wins, Marque will stay.
  - Pray for us, my nerves are continually shot here. LOL
  - Marque is not worried at all.
- Pet Update
  - Gianna is going to live in England at the end of July. There is a group there who works with dogs who have behavioral needs. It’s best for her… also, it’s best for us. She has never allowed us to bathe, brush, or even pet her. She was abandoned, and she just never came around. And she’s gotten progressively aggressive – but she can’t help it. The vet said she is the most anxious dog he’s ever seen. Who knows what she has been through. We have nearly had her for two years and have tried everything. Trust me.
  - Melvin has been with us since January. He was about 5 weeks old when he was found on the streets of Gricignano and we have had him since that day. He’s 7 months old now. Strangely – they look like siblings, except Melvin won’t ever weigh over 7.5 Kilos (16 lbs). It’s been so nice to have a dog who greets us and wants to play, love, etc. You know? Sigh.
  - Goose & Mavericks are outdoor cats and we rarely see them. They are neutered but it’s so common for cats to be outside here. Unsure if they will come with us to new place. Doubtful. Being outside has thinned them up. Funny because they love the puppy and Gianna continually tries to eat them. LOL
- Health Updates
  - Marque has Type2 Diabetes. After his colon cancer he got thin, and was being careful. But with the pandemic stress, senior year stress, etc… he gained it all back. He’s currently working with our doc to get it straightened out. All diet and exercise related. And trust me, we are working on it.
  - I am working on truly getting over past trauma. It has affected my blood pressure, and anxiety in ways that I have to prayerfully and purposefully learn to control. Sigh. I’ll tell you about the book/workbook another time. Once we settle in our house I will have plenty of time to work on me. Blah.
- Em’s Volunteering
  - No CCD this year. Parents here don’t take it seriously and it’s frustrating. In fact we have taken a step back from the base Parish. Gotta find a good Mass and Parish experience. It’s super sad. But I am continuing to work on my relationship with God. Need to talk to the new Priest. I miss a Parish to get involved in and make good friends. It’s not how it works here. Sigh.
  - IC Club – all is well there. I’m the Events Coordinator for this next year. So exciting. Happy to say that we have a positive and helpful team. So thankful.
  - NMCRS – I am hopeful to get back involved there.

If you made it through that – you’re awesome. I will tell you this… as much as we miss our son (and for that matter all our people), we are loving hanging out, and working together to sort through things to downsize. It’s so easy to cook for two people. Y’all, I’m serious. If you want to know the truth – it’s only been 20 days that we’ve been alone. But we are a great team. And we know once we get through actually dropping him at college, the process of downsizing our stuff (which thanks to black mold won’t be hard – you’re welcome)…, moving again, getting through contract renewal… it will be smooth sailing.

We will likely be overseas until bud graduates college. But we hope to travel and spend some time in the states, and have some visitors over here.

Enjoy these pics of Melvin and Gianna – wait till you see how alike they are –